1/ the ability to form pictures in the mind*:

it seems that ability should relate to something useful or something good. however, how good we can make use this ability of ours? and, how many of us, especially those claimed as creative, are using it for good?

i like the idea of mixing and matching pieces of this and that to form/create something. however, where do the bits and pieces come from? why do those bits and pieces pop up at that particular moment of time? cos of lust? desire? melancholy? or, trauma?
then, it will be another package of lust? desire? melancholy? or, trauma?
can we really be able to control the process of those linking, mixing and matching? or the loops of imagination?
can the pictures still be a good reflection of our ability?
what is a good picture of whatever? what could a good picture of whatever be?
for what we have to imagine something good?
how much time do we usually spend on imagining something good (at least for ourselves)?
can we really be able to control our imagination? or the reaction after imagination? or the loops of imagination?
how does it link to our expectation?
how much does expectation frustrate us? how much does it frustrate our imagination?
how do our usual pictures resolve, recondition, reduce, or replace our lust, desire, melancholy, or trauma at the end (of the first circle of psychological feedback)?

2/ something that you think exists or is true, although in fact it is not real or true*:

right, we usually discover we are just imagining when we find out or realise more information "closer" to the fact. however, when can we know we have reached (the closest point) to the fact? by imagining (again)?

i have no intention to think deeper of what is true and reality. not interesting anymore. nevertheless, realisation as imagination, or, imagination as realisation is kind of interesting for me. i am not sure which side i fall into more but i am thinking what people think which side businessman and artist usually fall into. let's compare a stock investor and a media artist. both work with information and computer. both work for (bubble) dream and money. both push the world forward by imagining the future. both retreat when they realise the imperfection of the world.

humm... what would u say?

3/ the ability to think of new ideas*:

i really got nothing to say about new ideas and have no interest to talk about what is new.

*explanation from: dictionary.cambridge.org

too bad that till the end of the lecture, i didn't quite get the essence of eigensinn. however, some points, which prof schiesser mentioned, did catch me. maybe, this was the reason i counldn't really continue to use my ear.

i asked him a question at the end and tried to know what he thought about the possibility of applying his theory to lower education level. from what i understood, it seems that his concept only focuses on tertiary education. which sounds like this still remains a gap between the pre-college and college (media) art education unsolved (for me). it seems fine to have a more specialised education on college level. however, if he was suggesting a more "transmedia" creative education approach, i wonder how much he has considered the pre-college categories set by other creative educators can be the obstacle to achieve the goal. further, will this new approach only be regarded as another new category, outside the streams of art and science.

i mentioned one thing, which i had been thinking for years. that is we actually start to receive creative education as young as since kindergarten. what consideration has been taken; hence, creative education can only be introduced in the field of arts, in spite of the wide use of technology or even science concept; thus, it forever has a clear cut from the science in general. furthermore, transition from one level of education to another also appears to be so cut-off.

i am interested in knowing whether this approach to media art education can be a way to build a conceptual bridge for students from different fields of studies to join media (art) creation with a better common ground for exchange.

unfortunately, my information got back is quite disappointing:

from schiesser:
-this is an approach for 20 years old and above, cos he doesn't think the younger can have the life experience and knowledge to study under this approach.
-the students they receive in switzerland have no problem in transiting to college cos most of them have started making video before getting in. this is also how the school choose new students. so, video is more or less the first step for student to enter the field of media art.

from marcia:
european treats art as a profession, schools train artist. so, it is not really a place for mix-and-match.

then, i start to ask:
what is essential for the 20-and-under in their creative/art education?
what is the difference from those above 20? skills? concepts?
if students in the school are very similar, of course, the school can manage the syllabus easily. however, if students actually come from very fields, situation will be totally different.

in my experience teaching in scm, hk, students in yr 1 (consisting diploma and bachelor programme students) can be ranging from having no experience in using graphics software to fluent in all dtp softwares, or, from having no interest and knowledge in cultural theory/concept to being able to write readable critics on art event. what kind of fundamental courses can be designed for them? how can educator simulate them to create something difference (if university is not or not just vocational, but for leading the society to go forward)? i started to doubt about the objective of creative education since i started teaching. i started to question it seriously again since i started studying again.

in iamas, it seems that the school uses the same approach to bridge students, as scm: teaching them things of both sides. however, no matter how i weight it, it seems that technology still seems more important. with the same reason/excuse, perhaps, we cannot work without skills. nevertheless, i just want to express one thing: when can artist need less power to negotiate with scientist/engineer? or, when can people start to believe that creative people can do a lot more than making useless (fine-art) objects?

thks to schiesser for mentioning the concept-selling business in europe. which let me know the world is not just gloomy.

besides, if mix-and-match kind of integration can't happen in the school schiesser mentioned, how can a "more real " transmedia" art education be introduced? a good combination of a school can't only depend on instructors, but also students. i tried to compare how people learn art in america. it seems that the combinations, created by the credit-based education system, are more varied and interesting. also, it seems more potential to create the broadness in classroom.

hong kong is a monster creature. on one hand, trying to meet the request from the manufacture sector (which sounds quite reasonable not just in hk); on the other hand, trying to make everyone (people in school, university, commerce, government itself, and at home (parents)) understand creative education is the only way to further develop this tiny city in china. however, how to make one believe developing something for the current need can do good for the future thirty or fifty years.

how can educator pick the best timing to "adjust" the mentality of the students in general, including their parents, who pay and request fiercely?
is this once again the problem of choosing between broad or specialised?
if so, when should be broad and when should be specialised?
can we think about it once again? or, can we consider the period for education longer, if we (hk gov) believe in life-time learning?

i like what marcia said one day: we all know that the skills we learnt ten years ago are totally useless now, right?

secondly, i didn't expect i would make steven feel i hate japanese or so. i am not. even american, i just can't stand what they behave. i hate it, the behaviour, which can be done by anyone, but i don't need to hate anyone. however, i do think sometimes we need to do something so that we can see less what is going on badly, as we know we can't change the world. so, i can only admit that i have bias towards some people.

in order to deal with my presentation class, i wrote something about my observation in the past half a year. at the beginning, i thought i need to gather at least several points to make up a five-to-ten-minute presentation, but while i was writing, i found that the use of foreign language in japan was not just my first point i wanted to make, it is actually a core factor, which reflexes a lot more behind, and also can link it to my other puzzles towards this culture.

-----
pls take a look of the words from the extended entry if you are interested.
-----

after the presentation, we had very good exchanges over the topics: ota's experiences in conservative belgium, irish eddie's (our instructor) experience in england, and a question regarding the identity of chinese from nakahara (owing to his canadian chinese friend). which makes me be more interested in this culture thing.

try to think:
why do japanese people think katagana words are english (which mean foreign words)?
why do they think at the same time kanji is no longer chinese, but japanese.
i think in the opposite way. or, to me, they treat kanji and katagana in the same way.
is this just caused by time?

it's too bad that there was not enough time. and actually, there is no way to have an open-end discussion in class.

we have only touched on a little of how war gave a change to asian, perhaps, the segregation between japanese and other asian. further, why does asian prefer to learn more european languages than other asian languages.

as a foreigner, especially this is not the first time for me to live abroad, cultural shock or cultural adjustment was expected. however, understanding doesn't mean i won't feel the shock. living in japan for almost half a year this time and in iamas for almost four months. me, a foreigner without an obvious look, do have some uneasy feelings and puzzles. today, i would like to share a bit what i feel and hope i can have some feedback form you in class, not just while we are drinking, so that we can have a different level of dialogue.

first of all, of course, it's about the use of english. i have mentioned it many times to many people in iamas. i totally don't understand how japanese people in general deal with this second language. how to be able to write an academic paper, but not able to have dialogue a little bit; how to make website full of english, but not able to say anything. i never agree the english of any persons that i have met in japan is bad. it's just a matter of how much the person is willing to say. of course, i have no intention to complain here. however, this puzzle is not easy to be solved because this is also related to the culture which brought me up, a british-colonised chinese culture. also, this makes me think too much of what the western people have been doing to us, asian.

owing to the historical background, there are two official language in hong kong, chinese and english. this also makes us to be able to claim that hong kong is an international city. i have to say that in fact there are not many people really good at english although we start learning so from kindergarten. how about japan? or iamas? similar to many other asian countries, i think, children start to learn basic english from primany school. no matter how simple the english is, all of us have been dealing with this foreign language for more than ten years. how come we still don't have the confidence in saying something with it. and one interesting observation is that people are more confident in speaking in other third or forth languages, which may even worse that how they can speak in english.

up to here, i have a question: is this a problem of how we receive the language, or is this about how english speaking person impose their language. try to use the experience in learning the third language as the case, we may actually feel easier to learn or more enthusiastic to discover more. why? i used to complain a lot to the education system in hong kong but now, especially after coming to japan, i started to think, it may not be the problem of the person who teach, but the problem of the whole english speaking world. try to compare the experiences of talking non-english speaker and native english speaker, do u speak differently in terms of the pressure of using of proper english? however, what is proper english? my english was always challenged by people in america because the words i used were strange to them. however, when i used some quite american words britain. people thought i was not civilised. what can i do?

i feel a lot of easier after i've found that there are actually more people have this kind of feeling than those who try to impose their superiority of the use of the language to foreign user. what i mean is in fact more non-native speakers are using english. english is just a tool for me to communicate to people from more places. learning english doesn't mean we need to communicate with english speaking people. this feeling was very strange to me at the beginning but i think it is at least partly true.

coming back to japan, i have also thought of whether japanese people have impose their superiority to me. i realised no. i didn't have such kind of experience. then, i was thinking where my uneasy feeling came from. i am not sure still but one thing i guess is that the way japanese deals with alien, which means foreigner, i think, when i look at my certificate of alien registration. perhaps, the use of this word may be the hint for me to explain why i have this feeling.

i used to think this is a kind of independence. however, i knew later that i can even be more independent than those who are only able to do sports themselves. going to swim by myself is one thing; "going" jogging or playing football is another thing. i don't know why i always think it is strange to walk down the streets with my sports clothes and go jogging in hk although i know rationally it is not. this is probably the reason why i seldom do it and why i didn't go jogging even once in okazaki.

as strange as so, i like watching in admiration for people, kuni this time (and helen in okazaki), who can do it. it is nothing special. however, this kind of actions, which are probably just for killing one's excessive energy, are something i can't never do. going to swim is for better health. my feeling is a bit like taking medicine, even i like it a lot cos i can think and relax a lot during swimming. however, in spite of the excuse of not strong enough to run around under the sun, this is of course mostly caused by my psychological barrier.

perhaps, this is the reason i like watching others playing in the field.

i told marcia that i have never had a good health. i felt guilty every time i told a new person. i want to change. however, pain in here or there, flu or cold still keeps me from doing exercises regularly. i haven't been swimming for two weeks now.

i don't know you feel different between queer or non-queer guy. that's interesting, i mean, is it so easy to determine gayness? i am still wondering if some of my friends are queer or not, those w/o and w/ girlfriends.

it seems that it is too easy to give an answer: everyone is queer. anyhow, the point i want to make is that it is always straight guy like to draw the definition, not queer, although maybe queer discovers the difference a bit earlier. also, in fact, which i believe, everyone likes the same sex to some extents. it is no harm. just the matter of an unknown fear in all of us and this makes us never follow our hearts.

i wanted to answer toby by telling him it is always difficult for me to hang around with a punch of straight straight guys. too many girls in those conversations. however, i can't. obviously, gay friends always talk too much about the boy(friend)s too. so, is this a common character of man. i don't believe this discomfort only comes from the difference in object of affection cos both can make me feel sick actually. i guess it may be about the desire of possession. nevertheless, i can't tell whether i feel stronger in man man man conversation. go ask girls!!

back to the question of how to distinguish, why one eye sight can tell. i answered nobuo once. i guess everyone check others for whatever reason. this is an instinct. perhaps, queers have one more tag on the script: if ... is gay; then ... ; else; ... and the mutual recognition may not cause by some specific items, like earring, or that kind of bullshit, but the clash of two extra tags. remember, it's almost like pre-programmed, like someone like to check the breast. and somehow, we are able to feel how others are checking us, right?

i am not sure but this is a not interesting, perhaps still, question, for some straight guys: why don't they have that tag? and some women have? why are they so special?

i knew that it's a good game, but, u know, not into it is not into it. it's still a game anyway. however, the situation that we, marcia, konishi, nobuo and i, got into last night made me realize how fun this game can be.

as all the other previous plays, at the beginning, someone got growing well; some didn't. however, this time, when i found that it's almost no way to develop despite of the ports i owned, marcia started to act strange too. the reason was she reached the limit of her development. she actually needed two points to win but she would never get it. and the funnest thing is, owing to the strange number that we drew, she continued to get richer and richer, and got no place to spend. on the contrary, i lacked of two elements all the times and i never got some numbers, which made me not able to trade with my ports, and built. so, marcia did a strange act because there is no more point card (development card) for her to exchange. she bought one point from me and i could built two cities all in a sudden. which means i got two points more, after lossing one point card; and marcia still needed one more point to win. i did one or two more strange trade with marcia cos of her excessive wealth. we both lost although i could reach eleven from seven in a short time.

to win is not fun. to act/react to the ever-changable situation created by this game is where the fun comes from. i know why i think it's more interesting than monopoly. monopoly makes us trade with properity only but siedler requires us to deal with a lot more pre-defined, but always changing, situation, which we always deal with. sometimes, why we are not able to do something is not because things are owned by others. it's only about our own ability.

right, we will never forget the japanese words of stone, sheep, brick, wheat and wood.

Die Siedler von Catan

it was quite disappointed when i knew that the beach trip might actually not be possible although i was the least interested at the beginning. of course, i understand the reason completely and it was actually my doubt of it. anyway, like getting out of the circle, two weeks earlier, i do think i should go somewhere anyway. i have been really explore something for a long time. i have been exploring new things with too much safety for too long.

remember, haiping's boat trip to kyusyu. it may be fun to try myself. yes, again. anyway, can't rush.

so, planning to go to visit mika and then nara, and kobe. then, sail to oita. don't know what can i do in kyusyu. i may just come back via yamaguchi and hiroshima. well, of course, i want to meet friends on that side too. let see.

yes, probably. (cos i can find very good people)
i may be angry about what i can see here may possibly also happen in hong kong.

but no, i did feel bad when i saw those attitudes.

i remember how strange i felt when mika told me that it doesn't seem any japanese would say they hate america after all the post-war history and under the current domination. this seems totally different from people in korea, who can tell u straight away how much americans had done and how much they want them to leave. i don't know the number but from what i heard from classmates in a casual conversation. american camps are everywhere in japan still (of course).

how can it happen? how can german school syllabus be still decided by the american?

what makes people in japan cannot feel anything negative from the west? i don't think we, asian, have to bear this in mind all the time, but, looking at only one side of the coin is too dangerous.

i accepted what nobuo said that the situation in japan is changing. people got more interest in other asian cultures and languages. this is the first step of any forms of exchange. and actually, the general publics can do nothing about the history. however, does this give the reason to keep the current situation on? i started the conversation with nobuo because i have great envy or discomfort towards the double standard of japanese to white foreigner and other foreigner. i seriously don't want this feeling. i feel like we still need to please ourselves by pleasing the west. why do we have no interest in having our own standards? why from artists to even scientists regard themselves as established only if they are recognised by the western world.

i told nobuo that asia has probably more than half of the population in the world. why do we all like to be recognised in the west and pay no attention to the surrounding? this is very strange. this is not a normal path of development. it is not just about we like to learn european language than other closer languages, in terms of geography and culture.

is this all because i come from a colony? if so, i am glad that i am, as i have a different eye toward gender and sexuality. or, is this a problem of a closeted country? if so, how many countries have been "invisibly" colonised by america? including the u.k.?

in the conversation with marcia, i kind of find the answer to the difference between korea and japan: a physical war, not just two bombs.

marcia even told me something more horrible about raping in war. i don't know how to accept it. besides, or, actually nothing about sexual pleasure, but only about ethnical clearance. this is so horrible. it's like repeating the history in south america, erasing other races. perhaps, this is even more terrible because it is like acting out what we see in alien series.

i have to also thank for her quick answer to nobuo's question: sex and companion.

got an email from steven and then tried to generate a japanese name with my chinese and roman name too. surprisingly, the names turned out to be the same. i don't like the two generated by typing in with western order. strange.

anyway, for fun only. with what reason and where i can use this japanese name. i don't think i can just take it as a kanji name and use it as a pan name or so. it may not be fun at the end, especially when i am in japan. i should create more fun by generating new japanese names for my japanese friends. that may give funnier dialogue.

link to marcia's blog

several short pieces of writing remind me the question of how can i live better as an asian cultural worker:

if melting pot is a crime, then, who is the criminal? the one started this game or the one carries it on even more enthusiastically than the one started it.

try to think about why images are so excessive in asia, or, why asian wants to be bombarded by those images. what kind of images are surrounding us, asian, nights and days? are they reflecting an ideal (living) standard or style in asia? whose standard are they referring to?

this discontent over current cultural situation in asia more or less came from the visit to the moma show in mori museum. cultural imperialism are the two big words in my mind after viewing the show. it seems that there is no other position for us except being the others in the global art scene: being accepted as the others and playing the role as the others.

i am an other “again” being japan. i feel extremely strange always this time, as an asian being in another asian country, as a foreigner with the look. how can i “compromise” this time? can i act like other white foreigners? no. can i pretend to be a japanese? no. i am not sure whether i will feel better if i look like an indian or a thai. of course, what i am thinking is about the idea of hierarchy among cultures. it seems strange to talk about it after “people” started to talk about how to exchange and integrate. nevertheless, from what i can experience in japan, i really don’t think there is a possibility of having equal footings in international conversation. the reason is as simple as that everyone has one’s own preference. no one can stop anyone to be interested in anything or can make someone to be interested in something. if the person is not interested, what u can do? that’s the enthusiasm i am not very happy with because what comes next is the “uncontrollable” number of enthusiasts.

further, i am sure this kind of preference can be found in me too.

it doesn’t make it better if i tell u i am switching from fond of the colonizer’s to the colonized. there is still another hierarchy on the “lower” level.

is this the reason why asians prefer to use others’ standard, instead of creating their own? i am so interested in knowing how european deals with this matter. i remember that i’ve asked several last year in avicon: how many asian language do we speak, among us, cultural workers, who claim that we are so eager to have more exchanges among asian countries. no one answered me. i also don’t really want to admit that the probably true answer is the problem in asia.

was it caused by my country?

it’s too difficult for me to imagine because i have never felt that i could be so. further, as a colonized person, i am not quite sure about my position while commenting on this. i indeed take advantage of my ability in using english, since i am an other of an other in this country, japan.